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This afternoon when I picked Lulu up at Merryhill, the two teachers in charge had a package of chocolate chip cookies open on top of the cubbies (the little lockers where the kids put their stuff, jackets, etc).  As I was collecting Lulu and trying to shepherd her out the door, she turned to Miss Ilda and requested a cookie.  So, Miss Ilda took the package down off the shelf (where it was safely out of reach from little hands) and let Lulu pick one out herself.

Well, Lulu pulled out two.  I said, "No, no, only one!" and she turned and said, "This one is for you, Mama."

So, I acquiesced and she promptly took a big bite out of one of them while holding the other one in her hand.  I held out my hand to get mine from her and she broke off a teeny, tiny piece and gave it to me, saying, "We're sharing this one, Mama."  (much to her teachers' amusement)

I said, "No, that's not the way it works--you got that one for me."  So, she handed it over to me (broken into several pieces--one of them was about half the cookie and then there were two tiny pieces) and then promptly requested that I share with her.

So, I did what any reasonable person would do--I gave her one of the small pieces much to her consternation!  (now her teachers were almost rolling in the floor)  She wailed, "Nooooooooo!  You have to share!"

After a bout of tears, I finally gave her the big piece and ended up with about 1/3 of the original cookie while she had a whole one to herself and most of mine.

Clearly math is not her strong suit....but perhaps she can get a job with the IRS someday?

Mean Girls.

Walter and I had a parent-teacher conference, at my insistence, earlier in October with her teachers at Merryhill.  I wrote down a list of our concerns:

• expecting that she has to grab something if she wants it, rather than asking nicely
• whining and rubbing herself up against us to try to persuade us (to give her something, etc)
• talking in a "little girl" cutesy voice, but not when she's pretending to be a kitty, etc.
• hitting or striking out when she's frustrated/angry, esp when someone doesn't share
• talking about her "boyfriend" and how she can't be friends with other boys except him, claiming that "I love him"

Some of the things on our list are par for the course of parenting a 4 year old and part and parcel to teaching them good manners.  She does a pretty good job of sharing when she is at home and will wait to take her turn, especially if I use a timer to make sure that everyone gets equal play time with the toy in question.  And if she's upset, she will voluntarily go to her room to think about things and then return when she's not upset--and usually do the request that set off the tantrum to begin with!  (Like eating her dinner, taking a bath, etc)

However, the remainder of the list is NOT age appropriate behavior for a 4 year old.

And it's very discouraging to see this type of behavior when we try so hard as parents to preserve her innocence for as long as we possibly can.  I am very attentive to the behavior modeled in the cartoons she watches, the books she reads, and the adults she interacts with--I make a point to talk about how Belle loves the Beast for who he is and how he made her like him by letting her read his books in Beauty and the Beast (for example).

I had no idea I had to also be concerned about other little kids teaching her these things!  And unfortunately, the worst perpetrator (that I have directly observed at least) is Samantha.  Since her birthday, I have distanced all of us from Samantha and her family because I don't want her to think that we condone the overtly sexualized behavior that Sam exhibits.

I have noticed that Lulu has a very strongly developed sense of right and wrong and she expects that when she follows the rules that she will be rewarded for her good behavior.  So, she gets very frustrated when she does all the things she knows that she's supposed to do (like asking nicely for her turn) and gets told repeatedly, "No!" by Sam.  This encourages the grabbing something because she wants it and hitting/striking out when she's angry behavior that we have been dealing with at home.

The other thing I've noticed, and this is the really frightening part, is how Sam seems to trade in exclusivity.  I realize that it's a normal part of this age group to say things like, "You can't be my friend!" and then change your mind not even 15-20 minutes later.  But, I saw Sam single out Lulu at their mutual birthday party and not let her play with anyone else at the party, insisting that the two of them play alone together in Sam's room instead.  And I hear Lulu say things to me like, "I can't wear that shirt today--Sam doesn't like yellow!"

Do mean junior girls start off as mean 4 year olds?

So, Walter and I wanted to stress how horrified we were by this behavior and how strongly we disagree with it to her teachers.  And we wanted to make sure that we were on the same page as her teachers so that she was getting a consistent message both at school and at home.  And I stated my preference to keep Lulu as far removed from Sam as possible during the school day.

Short of finding another preschool for the remaining 5-6 months before she's ready for kindergarten, I'm not sure what else to do.  I know that there is some value in helping her learn how to deal with people who behave this way and I have stressed talking about how you shouldn't do something you know is wrong just because a friend has made bad choices.

But it makes my heart ache that I need to have these conversations with a preschooler.

Okay, so it's been a while...

Apologies to the 2-3 people who loyally read this blog on a regular basis (you know who you are!).  This month has been a hellish one for a lot of reasons that have been keeping me busy, beyond the normal swing of things.

So, I have a TON of photos uploaded to flickr.com that I am gradually trying to get posted up on the blog in my oh, so copious free time....and the holidays are fast arriving which means even less free time than normal.

Eeeeeek!

I will be back-dating the posts so that they appear on the dates on which they occurred, not on the actual posting date (which is close to a month later).  So, please scroll backwards through the blog to see the stuff you've missed out on during the month of November 2012.

Random Photos from German Class

Here are some random photos I've taken of Lulu's German class at the Turnverein in the past month as well.  For the most part, I've been pleased with her German classes there.  I think the teacher does a good job at making learning German fun and accessible for non-native speakers.  They sing, dance, read stories, do crafts, and talk about traditional German cultural events.  And the entire class is spoken in German.

My only complaint is the other children.  There are two little boys, brothers ages 6 and 3, who are in the class together and all they do is roughhouse and pick on each other to the detriment of the others' learning.  And worst of all, their mother speaks German, so I can't sit beside her and make comments about how nicht gut aufziehen her children are as a way of venting my frustration!

And there are two other little girls who proceed to do the same thing (even though they are unrelated to each other).  Or they just generally act like little brats to the teacher--when the teacher puts away the box of stuffed animals she's been using to talk about different animals one might find at a German zoo, they will go behind her back and try to pull them out again to play with, etc.  Horrible, really!  

One of the girls' mothers just sits there, idly texting on her phone and completely ignoring how disruptive her daughter is being.  And then has the gall to try to hand me pamplets for the B Street Theatre productions after class!  (I think she works there?).

The other little girl's father does try to say something to her when she's misbehaving, but she just ignores him.  So, I tuned in to my inner German last weekend--I happened to be sitting nearby the children and she started to misbehave and ignore her father's admonitions like normal.  I was frustrated enough that I gave her the "stink eye," narrowed my eyes and gave her the "how dare you!" expression.  (Aunt Molly would be so proud!)  She looked like a wounded puppy and slinked off to sulk....but she didn't disrupt class any longer! 

 

 

 

Misbehaving girl in stripes, misbehaving boy carrying sword
(they were pretending to be St. Martin and his horse)

 

Wounded puppy in the bright pink, front and center

 

Thanksgiving Friendship Feast

My one-eyed Indian

My schedule was such that I was able to join Lulu for her class's Thanksgiving Friendship Feast today. (FYI:  This post is clearly back-dated!)  I was sort of nervous because I remembered the (barely) controlled chaos that was last year's feast.  What a difference a year makes!

Lulu and her classmates were sitting down at their tables and eating patiently with their parents and family.  I was amazed!  There was the usual thanksgiving-type fare:  turkey, potatoes, green beans, rolls, pie, etc.  And Lulu did really well--she ate all the green beans I put on her place (including some from mine!), and she tried the sweet potatoes when I asked her.

Carbs FTW!

I was especially heartened to see that she was NOT sitting at a table with Samantha this year and was instead sitting with some of her other friends.  (We have requested that she not interact with Sam if possible--that's a topic for another post!)  So, we enjoyed a nice dinner together with her friends, Maddy, Joseph, Jamie, and Olivia who were there with their families, too.

L-R:  Maddy, Joseph, Jamie, Olivia's older sister, and Olivia

After dinner, Lulu shared some of her dessert with me before I left so the kids could take a nap.

apparently all she can do with our kitty!

Random Gymnastics

Here are some random gymnastics photos taken over the past month for your enjoyment:

As my mother said after observing her gymnastics class earlier this week, "The Olympics are probably NOT in her future," but she is learning valuable motor skill coordination.  And she's being active and having fun which is the most important thing.  And I especially like that her teacher is gentle and patient with her and not at all like our experience in the other dance/gym studio.